Some of these are old (and might be repeats). I went through my phone.
Matthias: I will eat one yesterday.
Bryan: What does that mean?
Matthias: It means tomorrow.
List of things Gretchen is going to invent:
-Teleporter
-Phone that does not need to be charged
-Car or truck with invisible wipers
Irene: Do you want to play Harry Potter?
Kaitlyn: I know Harry Potter! My mom read it to us!
Irene: My dad is reading it to us. So I'll be Harry.
Kaitlyn: And I'll be Potter.
Irene: ... No, I said I'll be Harry. Harry Potter. They're the same person.
Kaitlyn: Oh. Okay.
Irene: Hi, Hermione.
Kaitlyn: Hi. I'm... Lorraine.
Irene: No, that's not in Harry Potter!
Gretchen: Mom, you got new towels! Can I use one? They're so pretty and soft!
Matthias: Mommy, what's not okay?
Me: ...I don't know.
Matthias: Well you know that this isn't okay: Getting eated by. That's not okay.
Bryan and the kids were playing the car game where you have to name a place that starts with the last letter of the previous place. Someone named a place that ended with S and then it was Kaitlyn's turn.
Kaitlyn: Snail.
Bryan: It has to be the name of a place.
Kaitlyn: Ohio State.
Bryan: Well, state starts with S, but Ohio starts with O. Can you think of a place that starts with S?
Kaitlyn: ...
Kaitlyn: Suburban community!
Bryan: Your second grader is showing. I'll allow it.
Gretchen: Do you have any wood?
Anthony: What?
Gretchen: I'm pretty sure that I'm going to break my leg in the game with Ava and I need crutches.
Anthony: I don't think I have anything like that.
Gretchen: Can I just see your wood? I'm pretty sure I can find something.
Anthony: I only have a few 2x4s and they won't help.
Gretchen: Okay, do you have any cardboard?
(She ended up finding sticks outside and fashioning crutches out of sticks and scotch tape.)
Matthias: I know why dad is bigger than you.
Me: Why?
Matthias: Because boys grow when it's not their birthday and girls only grow on their birthday.
Me: After I get you new pants, I'm going to hide your old, paint splattered brown sweat pants.
Bryan: Nooo! Not my brown pants!
Gretchen: Why is she going to hide your pants?
Bryan: Because she's mean. She's a mean, old lady.
Gretchen: Hey! She's not old!
Kaitlyn: Why are we cleaning up?
Bryan: Because the house is a mess.
Kaitlyn: Our house is always a mess. What's special about this mess?