On Tuesday morning, we lost our third child, Casey Frances Barhorst, to a miscarriage. I had been worried for a few days, but Bryan was completely surprised when I told him the news. Tuesday passed in a daze, although we did keep a previous appointment to look at houses. The distraction was nice. On Tuesday night, I ordered some charms for my bracelet so that Casey is represented next to Olivia and Gretchen.
Wednesday was supposed to be my first appointment for this pregnancy, and the doctor's office told me to come in anyway. They did an ultrasound, just to make sure, and the good news was that the miscarriage was complete. I didn't need surgery. We spread the news to friends and family, and my phone spent most of the day on silent so that I could control the doses of sadness. To say that Wednesday was rough and unproductive would be an understatement.
Fr. Mark from the Orthodox church in Lima drove down Wednesday night to say prayers with us. His wife came with him and we talked and prayed and talked some more. The short service for Casey was held in our chapel and attended by Bryan, Fr. Mark, Presbytera Donna, and myself. It felt right.
The kids and I had a playdate at the Kleins' on Thursday, and I decided to keep it. I had learned that I cope much better when I'm busy. Consequently, Thursday was a much better day emotionally. I held up well until I told Bryan that I had made up a song for Casey (both girls have one that I made up when they were first born). I'll write it down someday when I get around to writing the other two down. I learned that evenings (after the girls go to bed) do not contain very much distraction.
On Friday, I ordered St. Frances and St. Francis icons for our chapel. I'm also going to frame the lyrics of "Children of the Heavenly Father" to put in our chapel.
All in all, we're doing as well as can be expected. Bryan phrased it very well when talking to a friend: It's not going to stop hurting today or tomorrow or ever, but we're both ready to get on living with it.
We've had an outpouring of love and support from friends and family, for which we are very grateful. Thank you, everyone, for the prayers.
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