June 2-16

Linguistically speaking: Matthias learned the word "shoo" and uses it against his sisters. Kaitlyn calls the zoo the "gazoo." Bryan took Kaitlyn to the store to pick out snacks. Although Kaitlyn would quite happily buy and eat everything in the chips and snacks aisle, she apparently does not associate the word "snacks" with bagged munchies. They came back with bananas and corn on the cob.

The kids and I visited the zoo with Bryan's cousin, Amanda, and her two kids. They live about ten minutes from this year's membership (Toledo, since we've pretty much run the course with Fort Wayne) and will probably join us for most of our excursions.

I had a dream of playing real quartet music (read: not wedding gigs). After several months of hemming and hawing, I finally contacted the librarian of the Lima Symphony, who also happens to be a localish violinist that I am friends with. She had a quartet together within a day. Of course, being composed of members with busy lives and small children, our newly formed quartet had to wait two months before we could coordinate our schedules. We finally did it, though, and got together to play some Borodin and Brahms. It was lovely. Three of us are willing to meet monthly just for fun, but unfortunately, our cellist needs some paying gigs in his life. He also made the point that it's easier if we're working towards a performance of some sort. We are looking into finding some locations that would allow us to play whatever we want, and ideally pay us to do so.

And speaking of playing, Steph and I have been able to pull out instruments to play duets the past two times we've gotten together. And Elesha is able to play piano again now that she's no longer pregnant, so we've dug out music from several years ago (not that she was pregnant that whole time, mind you, but we were busy and unmotivated) and begun playing that as well. So much casual viola in my life!

The whole family visited Pittsburgh for Annemarie's baptism. Since school is done and the Bossards have plenty of space, we were able to visit for most of a week. Opa overlapped with us for several days, long enough for Matthias to warm up to him and develop a fondness for his presence. Bryan worked during the day, but the rest of us visited a park with some friends from Justine's church (there's a family with three girls the same ages as ours), attended the baptism (which Gretchen decided she missed, because she couldn't see anything due to the angles of the participants), and read lots of books. The big kids did some school work, and everyone played outside as often as they were allowed.

Gretchen's lack of athletic prowess was prominently displayed when she tried to throw a basketball to Edward. She tossed it straight up in the air, covered her head with her hands, and ran away. Edward scampered over and caught it on a bounce. Kaitlyn is not lacking in athletic prowess, at least compared to her sisters, but she was running to play basketball and wiped out rather spectacularly. She has scrapes on her knees and palms and a pair of scabbed over fat lips. It's pretty cute.

Matthias is a better athlete than all of his sisters put together, and Bryan claims that Matthias throws better than I do. I maintain that aim matters, so I think I've still got him. Matthias gleefully joins in any game involving a ball and demands to have a turn. He throws small balls, kicks large ones, and tries to dribble a basketball before asking to be picked up so that he can dunk it.

Gretchen and Kaitlyn had checkups. Gretchen is 43 pounds and 46 inches tall. Kaitlyn is 38 pounds and 40 inches tall. Kaitlyn also had to get her kindergarten shots, even though she's only preschool age. Apparently they give them any time between four and six years old, so these were her five year old shots. I told the doctor that it was fine that she get them, but that I didn't think the consolation of not having to receive them next year would help much with the disappointment of this year's visit.

I walked into the living room one day to find Gretchen poking at Matthias's face. I told her to cut it out and she said, "But he's yellow." I looked more closely, and he was indeed yellow. There was a large yellow stripe running from a third of the way into his hair straight down to the tip of his nose. At this point I noticed that a paintbrush that had been sitting in the middle of the counter in a puddle of mostly dried yellow paint was missing. As was Kaitlyn. I yelled for Kaitlyn, and she came sheepishly around the corner from her bedroom. She had a yellow streak down her nose as well, and also stripes around her eyes. I asked if she had painted anything besides herself and her brother. "Just the wall." Luckily for everyone involved, the wall in question was the tile around the bathtub. A damp towel took care of the wall, and I ran warm water into the bathtub and made Kaitlyn and Matthias stick their yellow heads underneath the faucet.

Pictures:

Bonus Post: Sound Bites 42

Me: Gretchen, you have to stop obsessing about the bee.
Gretchen: Why?
Me: Because you're living your whole life whiny and scared.
Gretchen: Well you're living YOUR whole life reading your Kindle and telling us what to do.

Gretchen: I see million flowers.
Me: You do not see a million flowers.
Gretchen: Well, maybe a hundred.
Me: That sounds more reasonable.
Gretchen: Or 29. A million or a hundred or 29. Definitely one of those.

Gretchen: Everyone has a talent. My talent is art. Olivia's talent is reading. Mommy's talent is making. Daddy's talent is making games on the computer. Matthias's talent is running all around everywhere without telling mom and dad.
Bryan: What a talent!
Me: What's Kaitlyn's talent?
Kaitlyn: My talent is jumping on the trampoline! With Daddy!

Kaitlyn: What if we were divers and catched a crocodile and an alligator and a shark?
Me: Where would we put them?
Kaitlyn: At the dentist.
Me: ...
Kaitlyn: Like Nemo!

Gretchen was singing a song from Princess and the Frog that sounded familiar enough to Matthias that he was filling in the second half with lyrics from Aristocats.
Gretchen: Are you ready?
Matthias: Be a cat!

Gretchen: I know how to draw a priest and a human.

Bonus Post: Dance Recital Play-By-Play

To cope with watching interminably long dance recitals, Bryan texts a group of friends his take on the show. Here, for your edification and amusement, we present the play-by-plays from last year and this year.


2018 Play-By-Play
I know you guys weren't lucky enough to get tickets to Ms. Lyn's dance recital today, so I'm taking it upon myself to give you guys a play by play. You're welcome.

Act 2, the 3 year old group. Highlights: grumpy girl with a pacifier doesn't move the whole dance. Only boy tries to jump off stage. Twice. But my favorite, somewhere in this auditorium are two parents who paid $200 to watch their daughter stand and cry on the right side of the stage for 2 minutes before getting carried off.

Act 8, Olivia is up. Botches 2 plies and pirouettes when she was supposed to blasse. 3/10. I show no bias.

Act 14. some 16 year olds aggressively dance ballet at us. In related news, it turns out it is possible to aggressively dance ballet.

Act 18... Not sure if I just watched a genuinely good tap performance, or if the rest of this has just broken my ability to identify good entertainment.

Act 24, some 11 year olds ruin Elvis for me forever.

Act 25, the boys dance. All 6 of them 100% miserable. Fathers, I know it's 2018, but some things are just meant for girls only.

Act 29, the same 11 year olds ruin 80s pop for me. I'm going to find these girls when this is done...

I kid you not, some dad 2 rows in front of me must've just watched his daughter's last one, cuz he got out his 3DS and is playing smash bros. It's going to be really hard to focus from here on in.

Act 31, dad's Link gets crushed by a DK. Not sure if they Wi-Fi is bad and he's lagging or if he's just really bad. Err, I mean, dancing happened...

Act 34, if you are creative enough, you can choreograph a classic ballet to many different kinds of music. African bongos is not one of them.

Couple behind us:
Mom: Here comes Zoey!
2 year old: *continued crying*
Mom: She's gonna tumble, look! Just lo-
Dad: He doesn't care, Cheryl.

It's halftime. The 3 year olds are for sure ahead, as predicted, but getting a much better fight from the oldest group than anticipated. We'll have to see what the second half brings. I am ready to declare a loser, though. 11 year olds. Too old to get a pass for sucking, but still young enough to suck. Surprised it's only halftime? These are a marathon, not a sprint. You guys are 100% my flask.

I think 3DS dad is getting yelled at by anti-3DS wife. So I don't think that'll be back. Also, I've been informed that there have only been 24 dances. Turns out my counting was very liberal.

And after a 15 minute break WE'RE BACK BABY! Stupid 11 year olds up first...

Act 25 in the books. The effort is there. The talent is not.

Act 27, we have a Gretchen sighting. I gotta say, proud dad moment, she carried the team. Super awkward facial expressions. During a partner spin, almost knocks her partner over all 4 times, this coming after a near hand-to-the-face. Then none of them would leave when the dance ended. We have a new front runner.

Act 28, dancing probably happened amidst the sequins, glitter, and strobe lights, but I can't confirm as much. If I ever recover from the seizure I just had, I'll give you my eval.

I'm soldiering this thing out. We are leaking parents, though. Every dance about 20 people have seen the last dance their daughter is in and peace out.

Act 32. True Colors. Such a pretty song. Just a good, soulful, pleasant song. Ruined.

Act 33. I think I just watched a Donna Summer 1974 home workout routine fro 40 year old moms performed by 14 year old girls. I have no idea how I'm supposed to feel right now.

Act 42, Olivia is in this twice, apparently! Some redemption for the eldest Barhorst as it was a solid performance, but it isn't going to scratch what her sister did.

That's a wrap, gents. I was ready to give it to the old group, but the kindergartners stole it in the 2nd. Good game, everyone. Good game. Thanks for letting me blow up your phones. I needed you more than you needed me.


2019 Play-By-Play
Gentlemen, it's that wonderful time of the year. Better than the World Series, more anticipated than Christmas. I am, of course, talking about Ms. Lyn's ballet and tap recital, giving men everywhere a reason to look forward to Mother's Day since 1992. For those of you who did not secure your ticket in time, fear not, as I'll be providing the play by play for the whole 2.75 freaking hours long these things go.

Kickoff is at 6:00. Reply with unsubscribe to opt out of future updates.
*choruses of subscribe, one question about the over/under of songs Bryan knows*

To answer that over/under we have to first answer the over/under on how many songs there even are. Last year was somewhere between 30 and 1000. After 30 you kind of lose the will to live and lose count. My parents bought a program. 43 songs. I bet I recognize about 22 as we go, I promise I hate all 43 by the end. This thing is a money making machine. I'm literally paying them so I can be miserable right now. Never have girls.

And we're off. I feel like I recognize a lot of the girls from last year. If they've gotten better I can't tell... Also, the guy two chairs to my right is shamelessly watching a basketball game. I'm literally 2 feet away from not paying any attention to the stage.

Tiny tots. The perennial favorite. Not one of them left of center even moved with the exception of grumpy girl who got too caught up in the excitement of clapping for a second, but then caught herself and resumed being grumpy.

Song 4, the preschoolers, right most girl steals it. The routine opened with some jumps and there was just no off switch. You wanted jumps and she jumped. For 2 minutes.

This unfortunately concludes the genuinely enjoyable part of the program. Everyone else is too old to be funny but too young to be good.

Song 7. Didn't think you could dance a ballet to "I Need a Hero"? Think again. Actually don't. Your first instinct was correct. It was terrible.

Song 10. Telephone. So much angst and aggression in the dance moves. Very feisty. Super in your face. If you're envisioning the dancers in black leather with some sassy red, you were close: pink ballroom gowns.

Song 14. Generic interpretive dance #5. Here's the formula: Pretend you got shot. Die in slow motion. Get up and repeat 11 more times, except the last time instead of getting up roll around on the ground for 30 seconds. Lights fade. Girls exit. Dads regret everything.

In related news, my dad is to my right and only one seat away from phone sports guy. My dad's gonna buy him a beer after this, he's so happy.

We've got an Olivia. Her group has cans of hairspray and do thur hurr throughout the song. I need to work with Olivia on her aim with an aerosol can. Blasted the whole right side of her face. Spent most of her time rubbing her right eye and trying to get the taste out of her mouth. It was perfect.

Gretchen right after. All I'll say about her is that she's gloriously uncoordinated and I love it.

And it's halftime. Score is Sadness and Broken Dreams: 20, Bryan: 0.

Some guy: Is Rachel in any more dances?
Wife: She's in the finale.
Some guy: Do I have to stay for that?

We're back and we've got tumbling. You know how in gymnastics in the floor routine they slowly build up speed then fluidly transition into their cartwheels and flips? Well this is the exact opposite of that. Full sprint to the middle of the mat, stop completely, do a crappy somersault, get up, and resume dead sprint off stage.

I just watched 12 year old girls in suspenders dancing to "Workin' for the Weekend." Younger versions of myself are so disappointed in what I'm doing with my life right now.

One amendment to my interpretive dance formula: Do everything I said while pretending there is a fireworks display going on overhead and each one violently catches your attention and makes you feel like someone murdered a puppy.

Gretchen's back. She's been front and center both dances and the teachers must just know what we want, because she's easily the most lost out of all of them and it's wonderful to behold. Right there. Dead middle. Not doing anything anyone else is doing.

Not sure which is worse, this remix of "Don't Worry, Be Happy" or the accompanying dance.

I feel like there had to have been a wardrobe miscommunication somewhere. The same pink ballgowns I complained about earlier are back, this time to the 70s disco hit "You Should be Dancing."

Olivia round 2... It breaks my heart to say nothing terrible happened. They all danced as gracefully as 8 year olds can. *sniffs* I'll always have the hairspray to the eye moment, at least.

Annnnd the list of country songs I can listen to is down to 4. "Country Girl (Shake it for Me)," we had a good run, but the 15 year olds tap dancing in overalls is something I can't unsee.

Curtain drops, nothing notable on the finale piece. Til next year, boys.

May 19-June 2

All words this time. Lots of them, since I didn't post any last time.

Matthias can identify many body parts, but ears are not among them. Eyes are usually misplaced, as well. Currently both tend to reside inside his mouth, which seems to be his catch-all "this is somewhere on my face" pick. He can reliably find MY eyes.

Everyone in our family finally has a Matthias name. Olivia has now become "Leah." Gretchen is "Tresh." Kaitlyn is "Tenny." And Matthias himself is "Fie."

Matthias's frequently used words: stop, garbage, more, piece, please, you're forgiven, here, are ready, do again, canna have bite, coming, train, track

Bryan decided that he was going to start running. Most people who know him would immediately wonder why he would do this to himself. Apparently he has discovered that he is in shape enough to play a pick-up game of soccer once a week, but just barely. His age is creeping ever older and he needs the cardio. So he runs twice a week, trudging his way down to the nearby subdivision and back (a little over a half mile round trip). When he first began, he figured he would wake up half an hour earlier on Mondays and Wednesdays, but he discarded that after the first day. He now runs at the much more Bryan friendly time of 9ish, when he takes his first break from work.

My own fitness efforts have not been nearly so deliberate. I did finally activate the fitbit that I got from Grandma a year and a half ago. I know that I take in the vicinity of 4500 steps per day on a regular basis. I get more when I run errands or have my Music Together class. And I fidget 400 steps worth during an evening church service (without children). I usually hit 8000 about once a week. All of this knowledge has done nothing to change my habits, but I'm pleased because now I KNOW. :) I was also reminded that jumping rope is a thing that I enjoy doing, so I have a weighted jump rope ready for me, but have not started using it yet due to pregnancy.

When the girls learned to talk, they all parroted the ends of sentences in our prayers. Matthias does a few ending sounds, but he mostly focuses on beginning sounds. His table prayer is "Bless...these...'bout...bounty...Christ...Amen...Sonny...Amen." By contrast, all three girls said "...Lord...gifts...receive...bounty...Lord. Amen...Amen." His Hail Mary is pretty funny, too, since his favorite word in it is "now." He gets Jesus, Mary, and naaoooow.

Kaitlyn calls fingernails "claws." She also like to call Matthias "Meefeeas." No one is quite sure why.

Gretchen had a birthday! April 24 came and went and now Gretchen is six. As is tradition, she got a watch and, as is also tradition, she was initially excited but has only worn it once since receiving it. Despite my best efforts, my children just don't care as much about watches as I do. Maybe once they get better at telling time...

Easter happened. We went to Sidney and visited for the weekend. We were actually there on Friday to watch Murry compete on Price is Right. She and her brothers (and all the spouses) went to LA in February and their episode aired on March 19. She got on stage and was hilariously overwhelmed by the excitement of it all. Sunday we went to church with Bryan's family. I don't get a sense of joy from Catholics on Easter (or on Christmas, now that I think about it). I'm chalking it up to the influx of C&E attendees who probably legitimately aren't joyful because those two days are more inconvenient family tradition than anything else. We were joyful, though, and I got to sing Easter hymns, so yay. :) Olivia immediately noticed the Alleluias in the titles and told me we weren't supposed to sing them (I guess they covered that in school pretty well) and I got to explain that we could sing them now, because it's Easter! Side note: She has not been at all bothered by the alleluia that the Byzantine Orthodox sing every week since giving up alleluia for Lent is not part of their tradition. Oh well.

Pascha also happened, one week later. Steve and Murry were at our house on Saturday, so we left a sleeping Kaitlyn and Matthias with them in the middle of the night. We woke up Olivia and Gretchen since I'd talked through the coming service with them and they seemed excited to witness it. Olivia made it twenty minutes longer than she's ever made it before, but still fell asleep before the lights came on. Gretchen didn't even try, just curled up on the floor immediately. So much for witnessing. They were both disappointed the next morning when they realized they'd missed the priest saying "Knock, knock" and the subdeacon replying "Who's there?" That is a wildly inaccurate description of what happens, but apparently that was the takeaway from when I explained the knocking on the door that happens. Actual words: "Lift up your heads, O gates, and be lifted up O ancient doors, that the king of glory may come in!" "Who is this king of glory?" "He is the Lord, strong and mighty, the Lord mighty in battle!" As a small consolation to them, the exciting part was quite underwhelming this year anyway, due to a downpour that began just as we were about to walk outside. Two minutes faster and we'd have been drenched halfway through our first trip around the church. As it was, we all stood in the entryway and the words were spoken in a slightly louder than normal voice rather than being shouted through the closed door.

We took a whirlwind trip to Chicago for Julian's baptism in the middle of bright week. Olivia missed a day and a half of school, and we drove to Chicago Wednesday afternoon and home Thursday evening. I believe we were in the city for a grand total of 24 hours. Both directions of our drive took longer than they should have, but I suppose that is to be expected in Chicago. Bryan and I reaffirmed our decision to live in small town Ohio several times, and at one point considered driving home just to find a parking space. The visit itself, car related inconveniences notwithstanding, was lovely. We got to see Jacque, Will, and Julian, obviously, but also Oma, Opa, James, and Jacob. Our family stayed with Jacque and Will, and I had a terrible time explaining to the children why they couldn't be stampeding banshees in the delightfully long hallway of a third floor apartment. Thankfully, they managed to find quieter ways to occupy their time. Wednesday night was the baptism, which was interesting to the girls, followed by a Western Rite Mass, which was not. I appreciated the chance to attend the service, though. :) On Thursday I took the younger kids to Jacque's Music Together class while the big girls played board games with Uncle James. I don't know if it was the time change, the quick turnaround of the trip, the late nights (we didn't get home until 12:30, but the kids slept in the car), coming off of Holy Week, or a combination of all of the above, but the kids took longer to recover from 24 hours in Chicago than they do after a week at Grandma's.

The big girls had their dance recital on Mothers' Day. Olivia was in four dances and Gretchen was in three. They are for sure part of the "must be related to watch them" crowd. Olivia's tap number involved actual working cans of hairspray, and watching twenty first graders try to use hairspray whilst dancing was pretty funny. I was impressed with the poise of the first graders in the opening number of the first show (which I went to alone while Bryan and his parents attended the second show). They are the first ones onstage, and they get there by running down the aisles in two lines. It's a four aisle auditorium, and they come down the center two. There was an older girl heading up each line, and then Olivia was the first one after the leader in the left most line. Despite the warning to be out of the aisles, people apparently didn't listen, because once the music started the right line made it down the aisle and onto the stage, but there was no sign of the left line. They finally came tearing down the leftmost aisle (led by Olivia (!) in the absence of the older girl, who apparently couldn't fit through the gap they found) and scampered onto the stage, looked around, and jumped in right in the middle of the dance. I asked Olivia later and she said the center aisle was blocked and they had to back up and come down the other one, which was also blocked, just not as much. Bryan's show was less exciting. He dreads going every year, though, and copes by sending text messages to all his male friends, reminding them why they should never have girls. I have secured the records from this year and last year, so look for a bonus post of dance recital play-by-plays in the near future.

I started some seeds inside this year and was all set to move them outside in mid-May, but then weather happened and they had to languish under the grow light for another two weeks while Ohio decided whether it was winter or summer. The broccoli and peas got planted and appreciated the extra time in the cooler weather. Now the tomatoes, beans, and cucumbers are finally out as well. The tomatoes look pretty good, the beans are all lying down on the job as they struggle to support their own weight, and I think the cucumbers have been eaten by a rodent. Fine. I'll probably go put some more bean and cucumber seeds out this next week and hope that they do better. Bryan commandeered two garden beds for his very own (it was just one originally, but I didn't need the last one and he hated to see it go to waste) and decided to fill both with zucchini. Given the success (or lack thereof) of previous gardens, we believe this will be the year of the zucchini.

The fridge was taken up by planting trays full of raspberry seeds for several months over the winter. You may have already heard this story, but I'm too lazy to go check. It is apparently less work to retype it. Anyway, for Christmas Bryan gave me 750 raspberry seeds (150 each of 5 different varieties). Seeds need to be winterized before being planted, but apparently actual winter is too much winterizing, so you put them in the fridge instead and watch people try to eat the little chocolate muffins for four months. Then, when the weather gets consistently warm, you move them outside. I think that's where you're supposed to start seeing little raspberry plants emerge, but we have not witnessed this development. It's possible I did the whole fridge thing wrong. Or moved them outside too early because I was impatient and May tricked me. Or perhaps they weren't great seeds to begin with. Whatever the reason, we are NOT up to our ears in tiny raspberry plants, and at the end of this growing season I will be sowing them directly into the garden bed and letting Ohio winter have a go at them.